Firsts

Have you ever just

wanted to end it?

Have you ever just

put your head underwater?

Have you ever just

glanced at a blade?

Have you ever just

played with a rope?

You know, there really is nothing like your first.

Your first cry, your first step, your first walk.

But then there are the firsts that cause firsts.

Your first kiss, first time, first love.

Unfortunatley for most people it's in that order.

But it wasn't for me.

No, Im that person who smiles when asked, "Have you had your first kiss?"

Yes, I have.

From the natural blonde and brown hair down the Hobbit like feet I enjoyed every moment of my first kiss.

From the moment the words "I love you" were shared my heart gladly walked into a glass case labeled 'his'.

From the moment he held my face in his hands and told me to stop I finally for once felt cared about. 

You see, he doesn't put his feelings first, he doesn't care what other people think of him.

If you are within the distance of his own fragile heart your feelings come first.

Of course,

doing something that kind,

comes with a price.

He forgets his own feelings and his own heart and lets people, peers, loved ones, even himself walk over his already scarred heart.

He forgets to put up the fence that gaurds most souls already, letting in pain and misery, welcoming it, thinking it's relief.

I want to help him, I want to hold him, I want to hold his face in my hands and tell him to stop and let him feel cared about but he wont let me!

He wont.

But I look forward to the day that he lets me see a bit farther into his mind.

A mind that so many admire.

A mind that has an imagination unlike anyone elses, and thoughts never thought before.

A mind that has the ability to do and persue things never done before,

one of the many reasons I can say "I love you" meaning it each time,

countless reasons my heart is his, 

some he many never understand.

Have you ever just

met that person?

Have you ever just

met that person who makes those feeling stop?

Have you ever just

met that person who makes you better?

Have you ever just

met that person who makes you come up for air, who makes you turn away from the blade, who makes you put down the rope? I have!

I have!

If you say yes, I'm happy for you and now I understand.

If you say no, I immensely hope that one day, you'll be able to look back on this night, understand, and say yes.